Put It On the Dad Tab

When I said I wanted to have money saved so I could be there for the people I love, I meant it. But by no means am I anywhere close to that point yet--my temporary solution:

A. If I love you, you are not allowed to get sick (That's right. I want you getting 8 hours of sleep a night, drinking so much green tea that your pee has healing powers and grinning from ear to ear when you wake up, even if you have to force yourself too. And, yes, I will know if you are doing this or not.)

if you can't handle option A... I have come up with an alternative:

B. I will force myself to stop loving all you people (Yes. That's right. If you can't love yourself enough to do the very best you can to keep yourself healthy, I will be forced to stop loving you. I mean it.)

Last week despite all his healthy lifestyle choices my grandfather had a heart attack. And, as his wife, Debbo, would later point out in the hospital after he had been resuscitated:

Debbo: "Donno, can I just tell you something? Can I be honest?"

Gpa Don: "Yeah?"

Debbo: "You were dead. You know that? You were dead for fifteen minutes."

Gpa Don: "I was?"

Debbo: "Yup. You were dead."

Thanks to my Dad I was able to rush out to Arizona to be with my grandfather throughout the whole scary ordeal. For a whole week everything went on the "Dad Tab"-- plane tickets, breakfast, lunch, dinner. I love the Dad Tab, made me feel like a kid again.

I did contribute periodically. There was that one time we were playing cards in the hospital cafeteria that I got hungry and I spent $.67 of my own money to buy an apple. Or how about when we went to Walgreens to stock up on supplies and I bought myself that pack of Circus Peanuts? That was a solid $.99.

The Dad Tab is a beautiful, beautiful thing...that is until the whole family starts to go bananas from being together for 12+ hours a day, sitting around waiting for news, drinking cup after cup after cup of coffee to pass the time (which isn't all together un-enjoyable if you love coffee as much as i do. YUM).

The first 4 days we all kept it together pretty well. You could only slightly tell that we were all teetering on the edge of insanity. By day 5 it got downright ugly. We all had different breaking points. For me it was playing cards with my father, cousin Kealey, my dad's wife, Robin and my aunt, Tierney. We were playing Phase 10, this ridiculous card game that sucks ass (and not just because I lost!), and I could just not get past phase 6. You had to get a run of nine (its like a straight in poker). I had been on the phase for 8 hands, because my family members kept completing their phases before I could get on the board. FINALLY, FINALLY I was dealt a perfect run of 9. I didn't need a damn thing. I was so f*ing pumped. My aunt Tierney got to play first.

She got dealt a perfect hand, too. Jildo had just got screwed, by her very own aunt. It was at that moment that I went Coocoo for Cocopuffs. If you can picture me slamming my forehead to the table in repetitive FML movements that would probably be pretty accurate. The fun didn't stop there.

With visiting hours coming to a close the whole family schlepped back to the hotel for the complimentary happy hour (which was more like I'm so stressed out pour me a scotch on the rocks/vodka soda/whiskey diet/pinot gris/gin and tonic hour- now lets play guess who's drink is who's! Haha jk. We don't need to do that). The happy hour was then followed by dinner at a local sushi restaurant. My dad drove. My dad stopped in the middle of the street to let everyone out. My dad got pulled over by the po. Poor dad.

By the time we finally sat down to eat, I wanted to face plant my bed at the hotel. Debbo and I sat quietly on our side of the table and talked about how good her seaweed salad was and about how weird the music at the restaurant was. Dad kept ordering more food- you would have thought he were feeding an army. It stopped at some point and we all crawled back to the hotel and fell into our beds.

I wish I could have appreciated the Dad Tab more. If only I hadn't been mentally mind f**ked and exhausted beyond comprehension.

I finally fell into my own bed last night. No more Dad Tab. Sigh. Just glad that my grandfather is alive and on the road to recovery.

XOXO. Jildo.

P.S. Happy Birthday Daddio :D