Skunk'd

When you start playing the back nine, you start to get serious. That's right you pull out the magnifying glass. I found that out tonight-- thanks, Alexi.

Tonight starts out like any regular night. I get a text from Jes: "Our Idiot Brother" tonight, you down? Its at 9:50pm.

I'm in.

7:30pm. Jes: Wanna come over and pre booze before the movie.

Do I need to tell you what happens from here? I think so. So we're all hanging out having a good time... social boozing, then social foodtrucking, then non-social boozing at the movie (can I say that?).
So far a pretty, fucking rad night (aside from the burger that they tried to- ok they did- serve me on a Ciabatta. What's up with that? Wrong on so many levels, but thats neither here nor there.)

By the time the movie gets out its a quarter to midnight. I have to get up at 6am to work. We head back to Jes and Alexi's. I stand at the door with my purse on my shoulder.

Alexi: What are you doing? Sit down. Birthday shot.

They have tequila. I'm always in for tequila.

I take the shot, Jes sings "Good morning" to me in spanish (which apparently is the authentic mexican birthday song- but it never actually says birthday in it... although it does say cake, so I guess that will work) and then the MAGNIFYING glass comes out.

Soo.... you're 26. Tweeennnty-six.

Alexi: It's cool, chicks just get way hotter with age.

Me: (in some what of an alcohol blur) I'm 26 years old and I bought a skunk outfit for $140... I didn't even get the boots with the fur!

Wait. Rewind. Yes, this past week I bought my Halloween costume. I was soooo completely stoked. I have ALWAYS, ALWAYS wanted to be a skunk for Halloween. My spirit animal is the skunk (no I'm not joking. Really. This is me being dead serious right now. Skunks, they just like me... no, they find me. But they don't spray me so it's all good). Anyways, since skunks and I seem to get along so well I have always wanted to be a skunk for Halloween.

Randomly last week, while googling "vegas dresses", I came across the website FlirtCatalog.com. I know, I know. You don't have to say anything- you can just laugh your asses off now. So, I'm perusing the dresses and then I see the light "COSTUMES". Score!

I start scrolling through the costumes and I'm actually pretty impressed. Sure they have the regular slutty, unoriginal, way overplayed costumes, but they also have some really rad ones-- like the hamster costumes from those stupid car commercials. You know what I'm talking about.

When I get to about page 8, I see it, my skunk outfit. It was everything I had ever wished for and more. A fluffy skunk headdress, skunk arm warmers, skunk corset, skunk skirt, fluffy skunk tail and boots with the fluffy skunk fur. I had stars in my eyes. PURCHASE!

I didn't even have to think about it. When you know, you know.

I felt sooo good about my purchase... that is until tonight. While I was hanging out with my friends, I of course wanted to show them my HA-MAZING outfit. We go to the webpage.

Jes: You paid $140 for that? You don't even get the headdress, arm warmers or boots with the fur.

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF.

Jes: Salsa (this is me). Salsa, did you not read the fine print?

FUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK.

I am now 26 years old and I still can't read the fucking fine print. It's not that I can't, I'm just too impatient. But obviously, by not reading the fine print I got SKUNK'd... for $140.

Sometimes I think I might be bringing shame and dishonor on my family (yes, that is a reference to Mulan).

Gah, so disappointed in myself right now. So disappointed.

I swear I'm not a retard all the time.

Jildo

P.S. Sorry if this story is a bit discombobulated. There were multiple drinks tonight. But I am happy to report we didn't bring out the salsa machine.

Thanks to my amazing friends for the perfect start of my back nine.