The Responsible Slut

Apparently if you buy something from FlirtCatalog.com you better know you want it. Sure they have a 15 day return policy- that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the public humiliation of the return.

My beautiful skunk costume arrived while I was out of town. When I got home from Arizona I tried it on immediately. And by tried it on I mean I put one leg in it and called it a day. What am I a freaking pencil?! No. RE-TURRRRRNN. There was an option to exchange, but by this point I was over it. Time to get $140 back.

I box up the costume, write down the return address and head to UPS. As I walk in the door and approach the counter, a UPS stud comes to help me- tall, tan, broad shoulders, blue eyes. Pretty damn attractive. I hand him the box and the piece of paper with the address on it. He starts tippity tapping away.

"So...." he says, looking up at me, "shop at FlirtCatalog.com often?"

FML. God damnit. Really? Really? You would think God would cut me a little slack here... I am trying to be financially responsible by returning my ridiculously expensive skunky skunk outfit.

I cough. "Uh, no, it was my first time."

I curse myself mentally. He laughs.

"Can I get your number?" Pause. "For tracking purposes?"

I recite my number and quickly hand him my credit card. I tap my foot, look at the ground.

Swipe... swipe... I will him mentally to take the payment.

SAAAA-WWWWIIIIII-SSSSSSSHHHHH. Could you swipe a credit card any slower? Really? I'm pretty sure Little Foot could have swiped my card faster while wallowing in a pit of tar.

After what seems like an eternity he gives me my card back.

"Thanks" I say.

"No problem, we'll get this back to FlirtCatalog.com right away." He grabs the box, a grin spreading across his face.

I want to die. I look toward the back of the store where he takes the box. His associate, a rotund, jolly fellow is sitting down, talking on the phone. UGHHHH! Why couldn't he have helped me?! Can't a girl catch a break? Apparently not.

Lesson for the day: Think before you shop at websites with names like "FlirtCatalog.com"- there are ALWAYS consequences.

XoXo. Jildo