Try to Take Your Appetite to Work Day

The third "F" word that completes my trifecta of addictions is FOOD. YUM.  I am not saying that I am a fat ass, I just believe in the importance of eating quality food. Unfortunately, quality food comes with a price tag that my current economic state forces me to forgo. So, for the first time in 10 months, I did not brown bag it to work.

I know, I know... I should be sooo grateful that I work for a company that provides "free" lunch (not technically free, because they make me pay taxes on it whether I eat it or not, but whatever). Here's why I'm nonplussed: even on it's best day, cafeteria food has inevitably been ravaged by not one, but TEN of your co-workers. They stand over the food breathing their hot breaths on it or inadvertently "gleeking" into the salad bar. I mean doesn't that worry you just a bit? Dogs lick their balls and asses and still have cleaner mouths that humans. Yes, really. Do you want to puke now? Because I do.

Maybe you think I'm being a tad dramatic, afterall people are very conscientious and constantly thinking of others and not themselves in the lunch line. They cover their mouths when they have to cough and then immediately lather up with antibacterial soap, lotion, etc. Or if they don't, its only because they don't need to. Yes, your co-workers have accomplished the unimaginable. They are no longer capable of spreading germs.  Your co-workers do not breathe.

*Pause*

No, I'm just being silly. Of course your co-workers breathe and unfortunately, so do mine-- I'm not being a dick. You know what I mean.  So, anyways, as you can tell, if I can at all avoid a trip to the lunch line, I do.  But I couldn't today and won't be able to tomorrow or probably for 1000 days after that (because I can't afford not to). FUCK. Well at least if I die from some coughing germ disease I won't have to worry about my savings account anymore. 

Until manana, Jildo.

AFTER THOUGHT: Day 4 of making financially responsible decisions draws to a close. I did not spend any money today... perhaps I can treat myself to non-cafeteria food for being so financially responsible.

*insert inquisitive, hopeful eyes here*

Really? Really?! FUCK. Ok. Cafeteria food it is tomorrow. But if I get a germy germy disease and pass out and die it is all YOUR fault.