I don't want your porridge. I want your bagel.
Ok, I know I'm weird. But this past week and a half all I've been craving for breakfast is an Everything bagel with cream cheese. Of course I could go to the grocery store and buy a pack, but in my experience bagels always taste better when they're not yours.
Who has the best bagel? I could get a free bagel at work, but I've had those before- too much bagel for me. No, literally they are huge. Plus, there's no bagel cutter. It takes like ten minutes to just cut through the damn thing. Seriously, our knives are so dull a mental ward wouldn't give a second thought to handing over ten to their most suicidal patient. No, that bagel will never be the perfect bagel.
Maybe Coffee Bean. I still have that Coffee Bean gift card from my birthday. Two weeks of free bagels? I went Tuesday before work. They don't have Everything bagels. PAUSE. Who the fuck doesn't have Everything bagels?! I mean come-on! If bagels were to ice cream, everything is synonymous to chocolate. I think you would agree with me, if I said there's no point of having ice cream without the flavor chocolate. Likewise, what's the point of bagels, if there is no Everything.
I try to shrug off this setback, I mean I do pride myself on being open to new ideas. "I'll have a combination bagel." Maybe Combination is the same as Everything and they just don't know it's a sucky name. Toasted with cream cheese? Obviously. The man behind the counter hands me hope in a brown bag- I feel like Marshall from How I Met You Mother on his search for the perfect burger- on the precipice of a possible life changing moment.
I pull it out of the bag and sink my teeth in it. WTF!? Hard? Cold? It just came out of the toaster. How the hell did they do that? I decide it was probably a fluke, so I went back yesterday and repeated the whole scenario. Nothing changed. A breath of relief escaped my lips, I wouldn't have to lie to myself after all. Combination bagels are a joke compared to Everything bagels. I spit on Combination bagels. Phew phew!
What else was there to do? Would I just have to settle? Mrrrrrr. NEVER!!!! This morning I found the perfect bagel. I wokeup at 7am, instantly hungry, of course. There's no time to shower, put on make up or even real clothes. So me in my red plaid Semester at Sea pajama pants, pistachio green "You Matter" t-shirt, and traffic cone orange Patagonia fleece I schlep to the Daily Grind.
No gift card to get a free bagel, all they want is my cold, hard $2.30. I hand it over and they hand me my toasted Everything (Hallelujah!!!!) bagel with whipped cream cheese. Genius! Side note: Everything should be whipped.
This time when I pull my bagel out of that brown bag angels sing. Then I bite into it... I'm in heaven. I'm in heaven and my heart beats so that I can barely speak... Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers were obviously talking about Bagel Seduction made possible by the Daily Grind in Cheek to Cheek. God, the title is so obvious.
I drive home in peace. Who knew happiness was so cost effective? Damn at $2.30 I could probably overdose on happiness. So pumped.
Xoxo. Jildo.
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