No More Cursing, Fudge!

Lol. We'll see how this works. After my last blog, my grandfather's wife texted me: "I agree with your mom, if I didn't know you and just read your blog I would think you are a completely different person."

My response, but you do know me! Haha. I guess that doesn't fly.

Anyways, what am I talking about? I'm going generic. I'm tired of talking about money, aside from paying my monthly installments to Emory's ER I am so over it.

I talked to my Ex's mother last weekend. GASP. No, its really not that abnormal... or maybe it is? When you date someone for 5 years their family becomes your family, so when you break up, you break up with them and keep their family. At least I did. Ok, maybe a little weird.

Weirder? I think they like me better now.

So I'm talking to the ex's mom and I mention my idea that I am too selfish to have kids... not so much a relationship, but possibly kids. When we broke up they told me that it was for the best, because I like change and he didn't... that I always want an adventure. And it is completely true, once I'm comfortable I want to move on.

I started to think that this quality makes me weird. Sure, I want to find love and have a family, but what if I'm too *darn* selfish? What if achieving my goals, which trust me are never ending, means I can't have a real relationship? It happened to Madonna! Guy Ritchie broke up with her because it was more important to her to work out than hang out with him (at least that's what I heard on the radio- so it has to be 100% true).

But seriously. The older we get, statistically speaking (I am all about this now) I would think it is less likely for us to find a compadre. Why? Because we are comfortable with ourselves. I sure as heck am. I'm happy! I have my own place, I like my job, I feel fulfilled, I'm proud of myself, I'm not lonely. Which means we are less likely to settle. Which is great! No one should settle- but how is it possible that all of these married people did not settle? I just want to know.

While having drinks after class tonight the single question came up. "So what's your excuse?" Well I'm *darn* picky thank you. And I brought up the fact that there are a buhjillian people in the world and I'm just looking for one person... it could take awhile!!! But the general consensus seemed to be that there are probably thousands of people in Atlanta alone that I could "get along with and be happy with."

I'm sorry. Did I say I was looking for someone to "get along with"? When you experience it you know it-- and unless I have fireworks and am laughing my *** off everyday and think you are the bees knees this is not happening. Right?! Do I just have a skewed perception of reality?

How many times in your life have you hit it off with someone? How many times has someone accepted you 100% for who you are? And how many times have you respected that person equally as much as they do you? And then there's attraction? Personality? Morals? Beliefs? Drive?

How many times have you know without a doubt that you would give your life for someone else's? Because they were just that awesome. I mean it doesn't happen that often.

Sure a lot of people are great... but great doesn't mean anything.

Time to Give Jildo the Axe?

The older I get the more I value transparency. I am who I am, not changing... nope, nope, nope. Can you see me? :D

The problem? My transparency is hurting people (cough, Mom). I love my mom. But, I know every time she reads my blog or at least every time I curse she about has a coronary. I can expect without fail after publishing a new post to get a call from my mom.

"Honey, do you have time to talk?"

Translation: "Honey, do you have time for a short lecture?"

I think I disappoint my mom a lot when I write the way I do, she takes it personally... she thinks she failed as a mother. Which is OBVIOUSLY absurd, because she is AMAZING. Nevertheless, I wonder if I should scale it back? Be less cray cray and more tres responsible (if thats possible- I might go cray cray trying)-- of course then I would have nothing to write about, because my life would be tres boring.

GAHHHHH. Between a rock and a hard place.

Is it time to kill "Jildo"? Or should I dress her in gingham and pearls (UGH BARF) and be the lady my mom wants me to be?

It's easy to not care what people think when they aren't your parents.

I'd ask for your suggestions, but honestly, right now I don't think I can take it. I already feel like I broke my mom's heart and its breaking mine.

-Jill

Drunk Post

It's been a while since I did a did a drunk post... I think since last Thanksgiving. So I figured, why not? Lets DO IT UP.

Step 1: Drunk.

Well I had three "Peach Porch" beers that claim to be 9.4% alcohol. Not sure if I believe that. I mean come on'-- I had three and I can still type?!

LIESSSSS.

Anyways... this is when we're honest, so let's be honest.

Life is good. Hung out at the bar tonight after class with people that are married or soon to be married in three weeks. Its funny if you just sit back and let them talk they assume that they know it all, that they've been in longer relationships than you, that they have figured it out.

Then you say... yea, I moved here after ending a five year relationship and they get a little glassy eyed... five years. Huh... we're getting married in three weeks and we haven't even been together that long.

I'm not saying they are wrong. No, actually I'm pretty sure they've got it right.

What makes me sad is, when I go to bed at night I think "well I've had the love of my life, I've experienced that. So fuck, the rest from here is just... life."

Pretty fucking depressing.

xoxo.

Jildo

The Back Nine Continues!

WAHPAH!!!! 26 is soooo OVER. And, with that said I thought I would take a moment to reflect on my first year of the back nine... most memorable moments, if you will.

10. First time I projectile vomited while driving on the highway (and did not crash! wooo! that's talent)
9. First time I chaffed my ass, to subsequently be followed by a cell phone shaped chaffe on my upper ass (I enjoy disclosing wayyyyy too much personal information over the internet. OBVIOUSLY).
8. First tire blowout EVER (I really should send a fruit basket to the cop that helped me out on that one).
7. First time I got booted (wrongly, I might add) and cussed out the "bootman" at 1am. Definitely not my finest hour.
6. First time I drank too much beer, fell into a fire hydrant and had to go to the ER and get stitches.
5. First time I left my wrislet with my credit cards, drivers license, room key and cell phone in a cab in Vegas.
4. First time I got a speeding ticket, followed by my second one a week later.
3. First time I "lost" my car keys in my running pants and paid $200 to get my car rekeyed.
2. First time I paid $150 for a skunk outfit that didn't come with the headdress or boots with the fur... and then returned it.
1. First (and hopefully) last time I get a call on my birthday that one of the dearest people to me had a heart attack (You cannot do that to me again gpa!)

Here's to another year playing the back nine... may all my mistakes be new!

Can't wait to share another year with everyone in my life.

xoxo.

Jildo

P.S. Thanks for the birthday wishes!