It's not what you think. I'm not running my ass off in a good way-- I'm running my ass off in the way that if I keep doing what I'm doing I literally WILL NOT have an ass in a month.
PAUSE.
I'm still not sure you understand. You see its not a matter of calories consumed vs. calories burned. It's a matter of fucking chafing. When I used to run in California this NUH-HEVERRRRR happened. And I mean never. I'd run my half marathons, pass those vaseline stations and be like "Huh?"
Yea. Definitely not the case anymore. I didn't realize it was a problem until marathon training began and started ramping up the mileage again... and then it happened. Four weeks ago I went out for a 10 mile run with the Atlanta Marathon Club- aside from the obvious sucky parts (hot, hilly, humid- it was 107 fucking degrees that day) I thought the run went just fine. Then I went home and got in the shower. OH MY GODDDDDDDDDD!!!
If you have chafed any part of your body before and then let water run over your skin you know what I am talking about. Excruciating pain. And, yes, I really do mean excruciating (it might even rival waxing). FUCKKKKKKKKKK!
It was bad.
Of course that didn't stop me from running, because we have a training plan. Duh. Besides it has never happened to me before so I thought maybe it was a fluke. Until the 8 mile run when it happened again and the 6 miler and the next 10 miler. What the hell?!
Ok. I am not an idiot. I know you can use bodyglide or vaseline, but I couldn't quite wrap my head around it. You want me to put vaseline where?! Runners typically chafe their nipples (guys) or their underarms... I am chafing my ASS!! Yes, literally my ass. Not my thighs, my ASS. Cheeks if you will. I know someone else out there knows what I'm talking about.
Ok. Or not. I am pretty fucking weird.
So today I really started contemplating my options. Why now? Well today I took chafing to a whole new level. It was a 12 mile run, not too hot, but humid as hell (thanks Atlanta I wouldn't expect any less) and I was sweating ha- lot. Let me paint you a picture.
Pre run, black running crapris. Six miles in, white running capris. Yes, I was sweating so much my black running pants turned white from all the salt. Super attractive I know.
Long story short not only did I chafe my ass, but today I two-footedly managed to chafe my lower and mid back as well. It's not a pretty picture, I can promise you that. I basically look like I've been whipped.
Therefore, I have come to the following conclusion: I need a lifetime supply of vaseline. Which should totally fit into the budget since it costs like $2. Now I just need to find someone to apply it...
:D. I meant that in a totally non creepy, but totally joking way. Kinda. I can see now that this is one con to being single... I have no one to coerce into applying vaseline petroleum jelly to my ass and back at 6am before I go running.
DAMNIT. Guess I better work on my flexibility.
Adios. Jildo
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Friday, July 6, 2012
Credit Report Peep Show
So here's an update on the school financial situation. Now that I am considering using the "matrimoney" for a down payment on a loft there's the issue of paying for school.
Of course I could just accept the loans offered by the federal government with the ungodly interest rates, but I'm not too keen on that option. I started exploring the option of borrowing from private lenders. I found about ten that had wayyyy better interest rates than what dear old uncle sam wants to give me and then called my dad to consult.
Me: "Should I just apply to all of them?"
Dad: "No, just pick two or three. Every time someone has to check your credit it lowers your credit."
Me: "What the fuck?!"
Ok-- apparently, its only when people are checking your credit, because you are requesting a loan. I guess the fact that you are requesting a loan indicates that you expect to be in debt. AWESOME.
Believe me at first I was thoroughly pissed before clarifying this, because every time you rent they run a credit report on you. Glad to have that straightened out.
I decide to apply through three private lenders. I complete the first application and am declined on the spot.
WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKK?!
(It was really a "What the fuck" kind of day- not my favorite)
I told my dad.
Dad: "When was the last time you checked your credit."
Me: "Um, never. But, I figured it was HA-MAZING, because I don't have any debt and I pay off my credit card in full every month. I mean WHAT THE FUCK?! How could they decline me?!"
(NOTE: I would just like to take a moment to thank my dad for listening to all this... I interrupted his date night with my step mom. Whoops!)
I did the only thing I could do from there. I went to Equifax, paid the $16 bucks and checked my credit. My score was 698. Which falls in the "Good" category.
Of course I was pissed again. I really do not like falling short of HA-MAZING- plus, how could my credit NOT be PERFECT?! (which is an 850)
I scrolled down to the details. Apparently I am being penalized for not having different types of credit- it looks better if you have mortgage payments in addition to just paying off your credit card. Way to promote home ownership. I scowl.
What else? They say I have debt? Hmmm... let's take a look at this. Ok- there's my visa and yup, there's a balance. But, it's not due for another three weeks!!!! ARGHHHHH. This really is the most frustrating thing EVERRRRRRR. I scroll down further. American Express $10K balance.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!
I don't own an American Express. Ahem. I pick up my phone and text my dad.
Me: "Ahem. Your credit card is on MY credit report!"
Dad: "You should probably contest that."
Me: "Yea since it says that I've charged 113% over my credit limit!!!!"
WHY IS CREDIT SO DAMN FRUSTRATING. I really don't know.
Sigh. So I submitted a debt dispute to Equifax... we'll see if that helps anything.
xoxo Jildo.
Of course I could just accept the loans offered by the federal government with the ungodly interest rates, but I'm not too keen on that option. I started exploring the option of borrowing from private lenders. I found about ten that had wayyyy better interest rates than what dear old uncle sam wants to give me and then called my dad to consult.
Me: "Should I just apply to all of them?"
Dad: "No, just pick two or three. Every time someone has to check your credit it lowers your credit."
Me: "What the fuck?!"
Ok-- apparently, its only when people are checking your credit, because you are requesting a loan. I guess the fact that you are requesting a loan indicates that you expect to be in debt. AWESOME.
Believe me at first I was thoroughly pissed before clarifying this, because every time you rent they run a credit report on you. Glad to have that straightened out.
I decide to apply through three private lenders. I complete the first application and am declined on the spot.
WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKK?!
(It was really a "What the fuck" kind of day- not my favorite)
I told my dad.
Dad: "When was the last time you checked your credit."
Me: "Um, never. But, I figured it was HA-MAZING, because I don't have any debt and I pay off my credit card in full every month. I mean WHAT THE FUCK?! How could they decline me?!"
(NOTE: I would just like to take a moment to thank my dad for listening to all this... I interrupted his date night with my step mom. Whoops!)
I did the only thing I could do from there. I went to Equifax, paid the $16 bucks and checked my credit. My score was 698. Which falls in the "Good" category.
Of course I was pissed again. I really do not like falling short of HA-MAZING- plus, how could my credit NOT be PERFECT?! (which is an 850)
I scrolled down to the details. Apparently I am being penalized for not having different types of credit- it looks better if you have mortgage payments in addition to just paying off your credit card. Way to promote home ownership. I scowl.
What else? They say I have debt? Hmmm... let's take a look at this. Ok- there's my visa and yup, there's a balance. But, it's not due for another three weeks!!!! ARGHHHHH. This really is the most frustrating thing EVERRRRRRR. I scroll down further. American Express $10K balance.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!
I don't own an American Express. Ahem. I pick up my phone and text my dad.
Me: "Ahem. Your credit card is on MY credit report!"
Dad: "You should probably contest that."
Me: "Yea since it says that I've charged 113% over my credit limit!!!!"
WHY IS CREDIT SO DAMN FRUSTRATING. I really don't know.
Sigh. So I submitted a debt dispute to Equifax... we'll see if that helps anything.
xoxo Jildo.
Friday, June 29, 2012
Matrimoney
I really should go to bed right now. I have to get up at 6am and go run 11 miles before it hits 107 degrees. UGH.
107 in Vegas is HOT (and I mean that in a completely sexy way). 107 degrees in Atlanta just blows...
But, I can't sleep, because I've gotten myself all riled up. Why? Ummm... lets see. It all started about three years ago.
In my first year out of college, I was working for a marketing firm in Pasadena. My boyfriend at the time lived in Santa Barbara. So, every other weekend I made the two hour drive up the coast to see him. It was the perfect time to catch up with the rents.
It was on one of those drives up to SB that I had the marriage convo with my dad--I guess thats normal when you are in a serious relationship. Anyways, it was that night that my dad told me for the first time EVER that I had wedding money. Jaw to floor. I was extremely excited, and I think I just immediately wanted to get married thinking about the huge party I would get to throw. LOL. (Shaking my head at myself right now).
But now, here I am three years later. No boyfriend, no wedding with camels, just me and a studio apartment in a 107 year old building (jeez what is it with 107?!).
I hadn't really thought about the money since I became single... because it doesn't really seem real. It's out there in outer space somewhere. Then two weeks ago I got my financial aid award letter.
They agreed to give me in-state tuition. DAMN STRAIGHT. But, no subsidized loans. MOTHERFUCKERS. So here I am... with tuition for my first year around $25K with loans to cover it with an interest rate of around 7%. YUCK.
Light bulb.
MATRIMONEY!!!
I texted my dad that Thursday night: Subsidized loans did not come through. Let's talk about wedding $$$.
Friday night is pizza and a movie with the rent/step-rent. So there I was. Laundry in the wash, a glass of vino in my hand and a nervous feeling in my chest.
"So... I was thinking about using my wedding money for grad school."
"Uh huh."
Blah, blah, blah.
Blah, blah, blah.
"I just always thought you would use it for your wedding."
"I don't know if or when that will happen."
"Or a house."
GULP. (a house?!)
It should not have scared me that much, I mean I am almost 27. A girl has to grow up sometime. But I didn't want to do it on pizza and a movie night.
NO HOUSE!
"What about a condo?"
FAST FORWARD TO TONIGHT.
I get home from work, throw myself on my bed in my studio apartment and gaze around. Out of boredom (and the fact that I realize I've spent $40K on rent over the past 4 YEARS... WTF?!?!?!) I start searching condos and lofts for sale in the area.
Then I kind of find one that I like... one I kind of like A LOT. FUCK.
Could I use the matrimoney for a loft? (a loft is way less scary than a house, townhouse or condo- they are tres young).
I dunno... I think I might be in love.
xxx Jildo
107 in Vegas is HOT (and I mean that in a completely sexy way). 107 degrees in Atlanta just blows...
But, I can't sleep, because I've gotten myself all riled up. Why? Ummm... lets see. It all started about three years ago.
In my first year out of college, I was working for a marketing firm in Pasadena. My boyfriend at the time lived in Santa Barbara. So, every other weekend I made the two hour drive up the coast to see him. It was the perfect time to catch up with the rents.
It was on one of those drives up to SB that I had the marriage convo with my dad--I guess thats normal when you are in a serious relationship. Anyways, it was that night that my dad told me for the first time EVER that I had wedding money. Jaw to floor. I was extremely excited, and I think I just immediately wanted to get married thinking about the huge party I would get to throw. LOL. (Shaking my head at myself right now).
But now, here I am three years later. No boyfriend, no wedding with camels, just me and a studio apartment in a 107 year old building (jeez what is it with 107?!).
I hadn't really thought about the money since I became single... because it doesn't really seem real. It's out there in outer space somewhere. Then two weeks ago I got my financial aid award letter.
They agreed to give me in-state tuition. DAMN STRAIGHT. But, no subsidized loans. MOTHERFUCKERS. So here I am... with tuition for my first year around $25K with loans to cover it with an interest rate of around 7%. YUCK.
Light bulb.
MATRIMONEY!!!
I texted my dad that Thursday night: Subsidized loans did not come through. Let's talk about wedding $$$.
Friday night is pizza and a movie with the rent/step-rent. So there I was. Laundry in the wash, a glass of vino in my hand and a nervous feeling in my chest.
"So... I was thinking about using my wedding money for grad school."
"Uh huh."
Blah, blah, blah.
Blah, blah, blah.
"I just always thought you would use it for your wedding."
"I don't know if or when that will happen."
"Or a house."
GULP. (a house?!)
It should not have scared me that much, I mean I am almost 27. A girl has to grow up sometime. But I didn't want to do it on pizza and a movie night.
NO HOUSE!
"What about a condo?"
FAST FORWARD TO TONIGHT.
I get home from work, throw myself on my bed in my studio apartment and gaze around. Out of boredom (and the fact that I realize I've spent $40K on rent over the past 4 YEARS... WTF?!?!?!) I start searching condos and lofts for sale in the area.
Then I kind of find one that I like... one I kind of like A LOT. FUCK.
Could I use the matrimoney for a loft? (a loft is way less scary than a house, townhouse or condo- they are tres young).
I dunno... I think I might be in love.
xxx Jildo
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
The ER Bill From HELLLLLLL
About three weeks ago I called Emory University Hospital inquiring about my ER bill from when I fell into the fire hydrant and had to get stitches. Being the responsible person that I am it irked me that it had been almost a month since I'd received service and yet, no bill.
Now I wish I hadn't called. When I checked into the ER April 28, I was not thinking straight (really who would be after they threw their entire body weight, head first into a very solid fire hydrant?)- so when they asked for my address, I gave it to them.
For any normal person, this would be perfectly fine. But my mailing address is undeliverable. I'm not really sure why. It might have to do with the fact that the building I live in is over 100 years old and the mailboxes out front do not correspond to the correct apartments. Either way my address is undeliverable- do not try and reach me by mail, you NEVER will. (It's kinda nice- No bills! Woo hoo!- haha just kidding I do online bill pay and notification).
I could say I did this all on purpose to reduce my carbon footprint, but that would be a bold faced lie. Anyways, so I gave them this black hole of an address when I checked into the ER, instead of my dad's address where I can actually receive mail.
On this three week later phone call with Emory billing, I give them the correct address and pray that it wasn't my address error that kept the bill from coming, but maybe just that I didn't owe anything?!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
FUCK MY LIFE. Yes, that's right. This bill warrants so much more than the usual: FML. It def-definitely warrants the WHOLE DAMN THING.
Wait for it... wait for it....
$1317.12
FUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
No, really. FUCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
How can 10 minutes of a Dr. stitching up the back of my ear cost $1,317.12?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?! (again WTF just does NOT cut it).
Then I remember. They did an X-Ray. FACE PALM.... AND REPEAT.
The thing that really busts my balls (or would if I had them) is that I went into the ER with a head injury. Did they X-Ray my head? Of course not, that would just make too much sense. Nope, apparently it was completely logical for them to do an X-Ray of my chest. And me in my I-just-slammed-my-head-into-a-fire-hydrant state did not think to question it. IDIOT!
Sigh. So now here I am with a $1,317.12 ER bill. LOVELY.
You know I was actually thinking about buying myself a flat screen tv the other day. HA.
Medical bills suck balls- especially when you are uninsured.
Oh, did I mention that the accident happened April 28 and my insurance coverage kicked in April 30? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
FUCK MY LIFE.
Over and Out- Jildo
Now I wish I hadn't called. When I checked into the ER April 28, I was not thinking straight (really who would be after they threw their entire body weight, head first into a very solid fire hydrant?)- so when they asked for my address, I gave it to them.
For any normal person, this would be perfectly fine. But my mailing address is undeliverable. I'm not really sure why. It might have to do with the fact that the building I live in is over 100 years old and the mailboxes out front do not correspond to the correct apartments. Either way my address is undeliverable- do not try and reach me by mail, you NEVER will. (It's kinda nice- No bills! Woo hoo!- haha just kidding I do online bill pay and notification).
I could say I did this all on purpose to reduce my carbon footprint, but that would be a bold faced lie. Anyways, so I gave them this black hole of an address when I checked into the ER, instead of my dad's address where I can actually receive mail.
On this three week later phone call with Emory billing, I give them the correct address and pray that it wasn't my address error that kept the bill from coming, but maybe just that I didn't owe anything?!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
FUCK MY LIFE. Yes, that's right. This bill warrants so much more than the usual: FML. It def-definitely warrants the WHOLE DAMN THING.
Wait for it... wait for it....
$1317.12
FUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
No, really. FUCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
How can 10 minutes of a Dr. stitching up the back of my ear cost $1,317.12?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?! (again WTF just does NOT cut it).
Then I remember. They did an X-Ray. FACE PALM.... AND REPEAT.
The thing that really busts my balls (or would if I had them) is that I went into the ER with a head injury. Did they X-Ray my head? Of course not, that would just make too much sense. Nope, apparently it was completely logical for them to do an X-Ray of my chest. And me in my I-just-slammed-my-head-into-a-fire-hydrant state did not think to question it. IDIOT!
Sigh. So now here I am with a $1,317.12 ER bill. LOVELY.
You know I was actually thinking about buying myself a flat screen tv the other day. HA.
Medical bills suck balls- especially when you are uninsured.
Oh, did I mention that the accident happened April 28 and my insurance coverage kicked in April 30? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
FUCK MY LIFE.
Over and Out- Jildo
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