The older I get the more I value transparency. I am who I am, not changing... nope, nope, nope. Can you see me? :D
The problem? My transparency is hurting people (cough, Mom). I love my mom. But, I know every time she reads my blog or at least every time I curse she about has a coronary. I can expect without fail after publishing a new post to get a call from my mom.
"Honey, do you have time to talk?"
Translation: "Honey, do you have time for a short lecture?"
I think I disappoint my mom a lot when I write the way I do, she takes it personally... she thinks she failed as a mother. Which is OBVIOUSLY absurd, because she is AMAZING. Nevertheless, I wonder if I should scale it back? Be less cray cray and more tres responsible (if thats possible- I might go cray cray trying)-- of course then I would have nothing to write about, because my life would be tres boring.
GAHHHHH. Between a rock and a hard place.
Is it time to kill "Jildo"? Or should I dress her in gingham and pearls (UGH BARF) and be the lady my mom wants me to be?
It's easy to not care what people think when they aren't your parents.
I'd ask for your suggestions, but honestly, right now I don't think I can take it. I already feel like I broke my mom's heart and its breaking mine.
-Jill
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Drunk Post
It's been a while since I did a did a drunk post... I think since last Thanksgiving. So I figured, why not? Lets DO IT UP.
Step 1: Drunk.
Well I had three "Peach Porch" beers that claim to be 9.4% alcohol. Not sure if I believe that. I mean come on'-- I had three and I can still type?!
LIESSSSS.
Anyways... this is when we're honest, so let's be honest.
Life is good. Hung out at the bar tonight after class with people that are married or soon to be married in three weeks. Its funny if you just sit back and let them talk they assume that they know it all, that they've been in longer relationships than you, that they have figured it out.
Then you say... yea, I moved here after ending a five year relationship and they get a little glassy eyed... five years. Huh... we're getting married in three weeks and we haven't even been together that long.
I'm not saying they are wrong. No, actually I'm pretty sure they've got it right.
What makes me sad is, when I go to bed at night I think "well I've had the love of my life, I've experienced that. So fuck, the rest from here is just... life."
Pretty fucking depressing.
xoxo.
Jildo
Step 1: Drunk.
Well I had three "Peach Porch" beers that claim to be 9.4% alcohol. Not sure if I believe that. I mean come on'-- I had three and I can still type?!
LIESSSSS.
Anyways... this is when we're honest, so let's be honest.
Life is good. Hung out at the bar tonight after class with people that are married or soon to be married in three weeks. Its funny if you just sit back and let them talk they assume that they know it all, that they've been in longer relationships than you, that they have figured it out.
Then you say... yea, I moved here after ending a five year relationship and they get a little glassy eyed... five years. Huh... we're getting married in three weeks and we haven't even been together that long.
I'm not saying they are wrong. No, actually I'm pretty sure they've got it right.
What makes me sad is, when I go to bed at night I think "well I've had the love of my life, I've experienced that. So fuck, the rest from here is just... life."
Pretty fucking depressing.
xoxo.
Jildo
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
The Back Nine Continues!
WAHPAH!!!! 26 is soooo OVER. And, with that said I thought I would take a moment to reflect on my first year of the back nine... most memorable moments, if you will.
10. First time I projectile vomited while driving on the highway (and did not crash! wooo! that's talent)
9. First time I chaffed my ass, to subsequently be followed by a cell phone shaped chaffe on my upper ass (I enjoy disclosing wayyyyy too much personal information over the internet. OBVIOUSLY).
8. First tire blowout EVER (I really should send a fruit basket to the cop that helped me out on that one).
7. First time I got booted (wrongly, I might add) and cussed out the "bootman" at 1am. Definitely not my finest hour.
6. First time I drank too much beer, fell into a fire hydrant and had to go to the ER and get stitches.
5. First time I left my wrislet with my credit cards, drivers license, room key and cell phone in a cab in Vegas.
4. First time I got a speeding ticket, followed by my second one a week later.
3. First time I "lost" my car keys in my running pants and paid $200 to get my car rekeyed.
2. First time I paid $150 for a skunk outfit that didn't come with the headdress or boots with the fur... and then returned it.
1. First (and hopefully) last time I get a call on my birthday that one of the dearest people to me had a heart attack (You cannot do that to me again gpa!)
Here's to another year playing the back nine... may all my mistakes be new!
Can't wait to share another year with everyone in my life.
xoxo.
Jildo
P.S. Thanks for the birthday wishes!
10. First time I projectile vomited while driving on the highway (and did not crash! wooo! that's talent)
9. First time I chaffed my ass, to subsequently be followed by a cell phone shaped chaffe on my upper ass (I enjoy disclosing wayyyyy too much personal information over the internet. OBVIOUSLY).
8. First tire blowout EVER (I really should send a fruit basket to the cop that helped me out on that one).
7. First time I got booted (wrongly, I might add) and cussed out the "bootman" at 1am. Definitely not my finest hour.
6. First time I drank too much beer, fell into a fire hydrant and had to go to the ER and get stitches.
5. First time I left my wrislet with my credit cards, drivers license, room key and cell phone in a cab in Vegas.
4. First time I got a speeding ticket, followed by my second one a week later.
3. First time I "lost" my car keys in my running pants and paid $200 to get my car rekeyed.
2. First time I paid $150 for a skunk outfit that didn't come with the headdress or boots with the fur... and then returned it.
1. First (and hopefully) last time I get a call on my birthday that one of the dearest people to me had a heart attack (You cannot do that to me again gpa!)
Here's to another year playing the back nine... may all my mistakes be new!
Can't wait to share another year with everyone in my life.
xoxo.
Jildo
P.S. Thanks for the birthday wishes!
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Duck, Duck, Donor?
I'm sure we all have opinions that we have kept to ourselves... statements that we said we agreed with, because disagreeing would mean we were weird. Or maybe not, I could be the only weird one in the room, but that's ok.
The reason I'm bringing this up is my grad school tuition. Most of it I have covered with the money that was supposed to be for a future wedding, but I'm still going to come up about 10K short. I'm putting money aside from my salary, but I'd like to save money as well--have something to fall back on in the case of an emergency. (You never know when the fire hydrants could launch another attack. wink... hehe :D)
So... I've started considering the idea of being an egg donor. I'm being completely serious. I don't know if I will actually do it, I'll have to research it very thoroughly. But, if it is safe, why not? I understand that this is a big deal. I've told both of my parents and my sister and after listening to me they seem supportive. That's not to say there isn't some concern, but I think my heart is in the right place.
Yes, of course the money is a huge motivator. But, I dunno, to be able to help someone who can't have a baby... I think its a very honorable thing. I know not everyone thinks this way, but I don't see how helping others could be a bad thing (as long as they are capable and loving people).
One of my freshman roommates from college was recently a surrogate for a family member and I am completely awed by her selflessness. I honestly couldn't and wouldn't want to do that... but she did and it's amazing.
I think everyone is blessed with a giving heart and we all have something different to give. Sometimes because we are human we judge other people and call their gifts politically incorrect-- they make us feel uncomfortable. But since when has love been politically incorrect?
xoxo Jildo.
The reason I'm bringing this up is my grad school tuition. Most of it I have covered with the money that was supposed to be for a future wedding, but I'm still going to come up about 10K short. I'm putting money aside from my salary, but I'd like to save money as well--have something to fall back on in the case of an emergency. (You never know when the fire hydrants could launch another attack. wink... hehe :D)
So... I've started considering the idea of being an egg donor. I'm being completely serious. I don't know if I will actually do it, I'll have to research it very thoroughly. But, if it is safe, why not? I understand that this is a big deal. I've told both of my parents and my sister and after listening to me they seem supportive. That's not to say there isn't some concern, but I think my heart is in the right place.
Yes, of course the money is a huge motivator. But, I dunno, to be able to help someone who can't have a baby... I think its a very honorable thing. I know not everyone thinks this way, but I don't see how helping others could be a bad thing (as long as they are capable and loving people).
One of my freshman roommates from college was recently a surrogate for a family member and I am completely awed by her selflessness. I honestly couldn't and wouldn't want to do that... but she did and it's amazing.
I think everyone is blessed with a giving heart and we all have something different to give. Sometimes because we are human we judge other people and call their gifts politically incorrect-- they make us feel uncomfortable. But since when has love been politically incorrect?
xoxo Jildo.
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