It's not what you think. I'm not running my ass off in a good way-- I'm running my ass off in the way that if I keep doing what I'm doing I literally WILL NOT have an ass in a month.
PAUSE.
I'm still not sure you understand. You see its not a matter of calories consumed vs. calories burned. It's a matter of fucking chafing. When I used to run in California this NUH-HEVERRRRR happened. And I mean never. I'd run my half marathons, pass those vaseline stations and be like "Huh?"
Yea. Definitely not the case anymore. I didn't realize it was a problem until marathon training began and started ramping up the mileage again... and then it happened. Four weeks ago I went out for a 10 mile run with the Atlanta Marathon Club- aside from the obvious sucky parts (hot, hilly, humid- it was 107 fucking degrees that day) I thought the run went just fine. Then I went home and got in the shower. OH MY GODDDDDDDDDD!!!
If you have chafed any part of your body before and then let water run over your skin you know what I am talking about. Excruciating pain. And, yes, I really do mean excruciating (it might even rival waxing). FUCKKKKKKKKKK!
It was bad.
Of course that didn't stop me from running, because we have a training plan. Duh. Besides it has never happened to me before so I thought maybe it was a fluke. Until the 8 mile run when it happened again and the 6 miler and the next 10 miler. What the hell?!
Ok. I am not an idiot. I know you can use bodyglide or vaseline, but I couldn't quite wrap my head around it. You want me to put vaseline where?! Runners typically chafe their nipples (guys) or their underarms... I am chafing my ASS!! Yes, literally my ass. Not my thighs, my ASS. Cheeks if you will. I know someone else out there knows what I'm talking about.
Ok. Or not. I am pretty fucking weird.
So today I really started contemplating my options. Why now? Well today I took chafing to a whole new level. It was a 12 mile run, not too hot, but humid as hell (thanks Atlanta I wouldn't expect any less) and I was sweating ha- lot. Let me paint you a picture.
Pre run, black running crapris. Six miles in, white running capris. Yes, I was sweating so much my black running pants turned white from all the salt. Super attractive I know.
Long story short not only did I chafe my ass, but today I two-footedly managed to chafe my lower and mid back as well. It's not a pretty picture, I can promise you that. I basically look like I've been whipped.
Therefore, I have come to the following conclusion: I need a lifetime supply of vaseline. Which should totally fit into the budget since it costs like $2. Now I just need to find someone to apply it...
:D. I meant that in a totally non creepy, but totally joking way. Kinda. I can see now that this is one con to being single... I have no one to coerce into applying vaseline petroleum jelly to my ass and back at 6am before I go running.
DAMNIT. Guess I better work on my flexibility.
Adios. Jildo
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Friday, July 6, 2012
Credit Report Peep Show
So here's an update on the school financial situation. Now that I am considering using the "matrimoney" for a down payment on a loft there's the issue of paying for school.
Of course I could just accept the loans offered by the federal government with the ungodly interest rates, but I'm not too keen on that option. I started exploring the option of borrowing from private lenders. I found about ten that had wayyyy better interest rates than what dear old uncle sam wants to give me and then called my dad to consult.
Me: "Should I just apply to all of them?"
Dad: "No, just pick two or three. Every time someone has to check your credit it lowers your credit."
Me: "What the fuck?!"
Ok-- apparently, its only when people are checking your credit, because you are requesting a loan. I guess the fact that you are requesting a loan indicates that you expect to be in debt. AWESOME.
Believe me at first I was thoroughly pissed before clarifying this, because every time you rent they run a credit report on you. Glad to have that straightened out.
I decide to apply through three private lenders. I complete the first application and am declined on the spot.
WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKK?!
(It was really a "What the fuck" kind of day- not my favorite)
I told my dad.
Dad: "When was the last time you checked your credit."
Me: "Um, never. But, I figured it was HA-MAZING, because I don't have any debt and I pay off my credit card in full every month. I mean WHAT THE FUCK?! How could they decline me?!"
(NOTE: I would just like to take a moment to thank my dad for listening to all this... I interrupted his date night with my step mom. Whoops!)
I did the only thing I could do from there. I went to Equifax, paid the $16 bucks and checked my credit. My score was 698. Which falls in the "Good" category.
Of course I was pissed again. I really do not like falling short of HA-MAZING- plus, how could my credit NOT be PERFECT?! (which is an 850)
I scrolled down to the details. Apparently I am being penalized for not having different types of credit- it looks better if you have mortgage payments in addition to just paying off your credit card. Way to promote home ownership. I scowl.
What else? They say I have debt? Hmmm... let's take a look at this. Ok- there's my visa and yup, there's a balance. But, it's not due for another three weeks!!!! ARGHHHHH. This really is the most frustrating thing EVERRRRRRR. I scroll down further. American Express $10K balance.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!
I don't own an American Express. Ahem. I pick up my phone and text my dad.
Me: "Ahem. Your credit card is on MY credit report!"
Dad: "You should probably contest that."
Me: "Yea since it says that I've charged 113% over my credit limit!!!!"
WHY IS CREDIT SO DAMN FRUSTRATING. I really don't know.
Sigh. So I submitted a debt dispute to Equifax... we'll see if that helps anything.
xoxo Jildo.
Of course I could just accept the loans offered by the federal government with the ungodly interest rates, but I'm not too keen on that option. I started exploring the option of borrowing from private lenders. I found about ten that had wayyyy better interest rates than what dear old uncle sam wants to give me and then called my dad to consult.
Me: "Should I just apply to all of them?"
Dad: "No, just pick two or three. Every time someone has to check your credit it lowers your credit."
Me: "What the fuck?!"
Ok-- apparently, its only when people are checking your credit, because you are requesting a loan. I guess the fact that you are requesting a loan indicates that you expect to be in debt. AWESOME.
Believe me at first I was thoroughly pissed before clarifying this, because every time you rent they run a credit report on you. Glad to have that straightened out.
I decide to apply through three private lenders. I complete the first application and am declined on the spot.
WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKK?!
(It was really a "What the fuck" kind of day- not my favorite)
I told my dad.
Dad: "When was the last time you checked your credit."
Me: "Um, never. But, I figured it was HA-MAZING, because I don't have any debt and I pay off my credit card in full every month. I mean WHAT THE FUCK?! How could they decline me?!"
(NOTE: I would just like to take a moment to thank my dad for listening to all this... I interrupted his date night with my step mom. Whoops!)
I did the only thing I could do from there. I went to Equifax, paid the $16 bucks and checked my credit. My score was 698. Which falls in the "Good" category.
Of course I was pissed again. I really do not like falling short of HA-MAZING- plus, how could my credit NOT be PERFECT?! (which is an 850)
I scrolled down to the details. Apparently I am being penalized for not having different types of credit- it looks better if you have mortgage payments in addition to just paying off your credit card. Way to promote home ownership. I scowl.
What else? They say I have debt? Hmmm... let's take a look at this. Ok- there's my visa and yup, there's a balance. But, it's not due for another three weeks!!!! ARGHHHHH. This really is the most frustrating thing EVERRRRRRR. I scroll down further. American Express $10K balance.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!
I don't own an American Express. Ahem. I pick up my phone and text my dad.
Me: "Ahem. Your credit card is on MY credit report!"
Dad: "You should probably contest that."
Me: "Yea since it says that I've charged 113% over my credit limit!!!!"
WHY IS CREDIT SO DAMN FRUSTRATING. I really don't know.
Sigh. So I submitted a debt dispute to Equifax... we'll see if that helps anything.
xoxo Jildo.
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