The ER Bill From HELLLLLLL

About three weeks ago I called Emory University Hospital inquiring about my ER bill from when I fell into the fire hydrant and had to get stitches. Being the responsible person that I am it irked me that it had been almost a month since I'd received service and yet, no bill.

Now I wish I hadn't called. When I checked into the ER April 28, I was not thinking straight (really who would be after they threw their entire body weight, head first into a very solid fire hydrant?)- so when they asked for my address, I gave it to them.

For any normal person, this would be perfectly fine. But my mailing address is undeliverable. I'm not really sure why. It might have to do with the fact that the building I live in is over 100 years old and the mailboxes out front do not correspond to the correct apartments. Either way my address is undeliverable- do not try and reach me by mail, you NEVER will. (It's kinda nice- No bills! Woo hoo!- haha just kidding I do online bill pay and notification).

I could say I did this all on purpose to reduce my carbon footprint, but that would be a bold faced lie. Anyways, so I gave them this black hole of an address when I checked into the ER, instead of my dad's address where I can actually receive mail.

On this three week later phone call with Emory billing, I give them the correct address and pray that it wasn't my address error that kept the bill from coming, but maybe just that I didn't owe anything?!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

FUCK MY LIFE. Yes, that's right. This bill warrants so much more than the usual: FML. It def-definitely warrants the WHOLE DAMN THING.

Wait for it... wait for it....

$1317.12

FUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

No, really. FUCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.

How can 10 minutes of a Dr. stitching up the back of my ear cost $1,317.12?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?! (again WTF just does NOT cut it).

Then I remember. They did an X-Ray.  FACE PALM.... AND REPEAT.

The thing that really busts my balls (or would if I had them) is that I went into the ER with a head injury. Did they X-Ray my head? Of course not, that would just make too much sense. Nope, apparently it was completely logical for them to do an X-Ray of my chest. And me in my I-just-slammed-my-head-into-a-fire-hydrant state did not think to question it. IDIOT!

Sigh. So now here I am with a $1,317.12 ER bill. LOVELY.

You know I was actually thinking about buying myself a flat screen tv the other day. HA.

Medical bills suck balls- especially when you are uninsured.

Oh, did I mention that the accident happened April 28 and my insurance coverage kicked in April 30? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

FUCK MY LIFE.

Over and Out- Jildo